I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
