How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
