I just cut my nipple shaving
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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