the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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