No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
