why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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