I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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