Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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