My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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