Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
