The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
