is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
