She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can I color on your dick again?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
