Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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