dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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