Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
