I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
