i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
