oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
