sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
