its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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