i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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