It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
