i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
