So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
