Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
