Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
