hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to calm my uterus...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
