i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
someone owes me an orgasm
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
