Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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