I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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