im about as happy as oj after his trial
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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