Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
