I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
