we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
