You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize