Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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