Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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