billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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