Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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