the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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