I puked a lego.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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