if you like me you must not know who I am
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
