I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
