Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
