Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
