my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
