i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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