quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
