I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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