Me. At least after what I've been through.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
