Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
