Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
