i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is Oprah even human
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
