Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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