It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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