So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
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It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
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The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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