so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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