Swine flu. Run for my life!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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