Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
