last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
