His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
