I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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