There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
