you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
