if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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