she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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