The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
