I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
