I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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