Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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