pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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