I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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