Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
