Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Who died my cat blue again?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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